One of Us Died, the Other Went to Hell
As of yesterday, my second book is now available. I’m still waiting for a few publishers, most notably Apple Books, to finish processing the eBook edition, but several have already published the eBook in their stores.
My mental and emotional states are forever damaged by my wife’s passing and all the circumstances that go along with it. It’s still impossible for me to feel a sense of accomplishment without my cheerleader. At the very least, I do feel some sense of relief.
It’s a bit convoluted to say how long this book took me to make. I had been writing ever since I was widowed, but the idea for this book didn’t come until some time after completing the memoir I wrote last year. I had material, but the idea of what to do with it didn’t come until later. I’d written this book over the course of a year, but the project didn’t begin until about 5 months into widowhood. The memoir I wrote last year was written in the first 90 days of widowhood, whereas this book took just over a year from start to finish, depending on how you look at it. I am relieved to say that it’s finally done and published.
This was always the intended timeline for this project. I felt that a book on early grief should only encapsulate the first year at most, even though in some ways it still feels like my wife was just here yesterday. That’s just the nature of the love, devotion, and connection I have with my late wife, even still. However, not everyone who grieves is mourning the loss of their partner. It might be taboo to compare loss, but different relationships will have different effects on those left behind. While my wife will forever be missed by those she knew, not everyone is still dominated by the grief the way her mother and I still are to this day. I don’t want to make it sound like a competition, though, because in mourning there is only loss. That being said, there are always differences in how others respond to the loss based on the relationship they had. Grief is as unique as the relationships you had.
While I am relieved to be finished with this book and the publication, without it I am back to survival mode. Writing has been my coping mechanism through this grief process. It has provided me the ability to let off a little steam, and the books I’ve written have provided me with the cans I need to kick down this lonely road. It’s still the same road I must walk, only now there is less purpose to find along the way.
I’ve mentioned in my last blog post that I’m not looking to start another project for some time. For me to continue speaking on the nature of grief, more time will need to pass. Time I must somehow survive. In addition, after writing at an incessant rate in the first year, I’ve left little for myself in the way of inspiration. To continue where I left off now is to spin a broken record. I must continue this journey through time before I have anything of value to write on the topic. It may have been more than a year since I lost my wife, but I am still tending to fresh wounds, and I would rather provide inspiration and hope to those who need it, and for that I believe it will take some time.
Until then, I hope this book can serve well to those in grief and to those who seek to understand.
